Characters: Police Officer, Robbery Victim
Setting: the street of a very liberal town
[Scene opens with a distraught man waiting outside a coffee shop. He’s been robbed and the police are en route}
{Police officer arrives, scans area visually, and approaches victim}
Robbery Victim (relieved): Officer, thanks for coming so quickly! I’ve been robbed at knifepoint!
Officer: Did you get a good look at the suspect?
Victim: Yes.
Officer: Good, give me a detailed description.
Victim: OK, um, well, a tall Hispanic…
Officer: Oh, wait. You can’t say that part.
Victim: Can’t say what part?
Officer: You can’t say that the suspect is Hispanic. It’s offensive and racist.
Victim (bemused): Oh. Um. OK. So… it was a young male…
Officer: Oh hold up now, you can’t assume the suspect’s gender.
Victim: What???
Officer: Yeah. You have no way of knowing what gender the suspect identifies with, and you can’t just assign one.
Victim: Uh.
Officer: But go on…
Victim: Well, he, I mean, the suspect was wearing a baggy blue sweatshirt and his, I mean it’s, um, well, the suspect’s pants were around his- the suspect’s knees.
Officer: Well, let’s leave that off, too. Maybe the suspect is economically challenged. That’s certainly no crime. Anything else?
Victim: (shocked silence)
Officer: Any visible tattoos?
Victim: Yes! He, uh, it, uh, had a gang tattoo. On the face.
Officer: How do you know that?
Victim: How do I know what?
Officer: That it was a gang tattoo?
Victim: I’ve seen them on TV.
Officer: Well, a tattoo doesn’t always mean anything. You shouldn’t assume someone is in a gang or is a criminal based on a tattoo.
Victim: He robbed me with a knife! He IS a criminal!!!
Officer: There you go again! Assigning a specific gender! What kind of person are you?
Victim: I’m the victim of the crime!!!
Officer: I’m starting to think you asked for it.
Victim: WHAT???
Officer: You’re obviously a bigot.
Victim: Arrrgghh!!! No, I’m not!
Officer: Yeah, you are. You provoked someone and now you’re whining about the consequences of your hatred.
Victim: (speechless)
Officer: We’re done here. Have a good day.